Chapter 30 closes in a weeks time. You know, the year I said I would die in, that 30. And contrary to popular belief, I did. But what was really cool about the whole death thing was, I got a new life after releasing that one. No one could have seen it coming. I didn't. I couldn't fathom the thing being asked of me and still having anything left to give this universe. Most of this year was spent getting my bearings on unfamiliar land. Kind of like Ariel getting legs in the Little Mermaid. But now, almost 365 days later I not only have some better footing, I have peace. And there is nothing more worth celebrating than that.
Yes, I still have days where I am not quite sure which direction I should be going in, or what's next on this big adventure called life. But one thing I do know for certain now is, I am alive and really doing my best to live it exactly how I want to. My pace. My dreams. My goals. My failures. My lessons. My joys. All of it. I am so proud of that girl from a year ago. She was still offering her whole self to a world that broke her down over and over again. She was still someones light in the midst of her darkest days. And finally, she was brave enough to do the scary thing. I'm grateful to her and thank her for what she did in order to give me life.
The year of the Snake. My 30th year. The year I became the most vulnerable version of myself and shed skin no one ever knew I could. This year gave me self empowerment, it gave me clarity, and it gave me seasons of unknown. I feared what would come of me once I turned 30 because she knew then what she was capable of. I remember someone telling me I was in self destruction mode. Come to find out I just didn't like the blueprints surrounding me. When you become the lead designer of your life, truly, not in thought, but in deed. Nothing compares.
I'll never pretend like I have it altogether. I didn't then, and I won't now. But what I can say, as I reflect on the absolute terrifying gift 30 was to me... I cannot wait to lean into being "in my 30's" now understanding that no one can truly ever extinguish the flame inside this soul. I do pray that only folks who add fuel to the fire surround me. I pray anyone that feels intimidated by these flames would only know they are here to amplify their spark as well, not to dim. I pray that as I end 30, the year once laced in barbwire turned roses would forever remain in my heart as inspiration, guidance, and bravery.