I'm not sure about you, but I usually find the answers I'm looking for in the city.
Under the street lights.
Walking on the cracked sidewalks.
Driving underneath the tall buildings.
-
"Is that your sister?"
We played hide and seek tag under the street lights tonight.
I held Amaya's hand as she roller skated in the cul-de-sac and secretly gave hints to whoever was "it" on where the rest of the kids were hiding.
Still too cold to be without a coat,
but we're the sort of kids who refuse to deny an opportunity to play,
the second spring makes her appearance.
I didn't make this trip with intentions I would fall into nostalgia, or dream of the future.
I was "passing through."
Dodging questions in every city I find myself that day.
Tonight I knew.
-
And for the sweet babies I know will catch wind before I can hug them.
Thank you.
Thank you for letting me bleed and sweat and cry with you.
Thank you for making space and adding me to this blended family.
I find myself constantly singing "Blended Family" by my girl Alicia Keys.
Beautiful. Raw. Honest. True.
This is how I see us.
Blended.
Even closer than blood most days.
I don't know how it's possible, but I can't imagine life without our beautiful mess.
-
Monday, I was drowning in the most crippling anxiety.
Thursday, I was pressured to believe that, because I love well, and refuse to say "goodbye" to anyone ever, I would make a decision half hearted.
Tonight, I am confident that not knowing is okay.
But I know.
In the classic words of some of my favorite high school kids, "wait on it."
Because this was never meant to be a trip with intentions of nostalgia or dream of the future.
No matter where I go, the
"is that your sister?"
will always be a sign that I am home, with my blended family.
"That's just what you do (for love)
For love of the babies (for love)
We're a blended family (for love)
And it's alright (for love)
Said it's alright!
I'll be here forever"
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