I'm Not Fighting Back

It's hard to believe that when I go home for fall break I will have been in school for   two   months. College. Johnson University. I have had a Knoxville, Tennessee zip code since August. And I can see November on the horizon. With the first half of the semester coming to a close I've found myself already looking back to the first few weeks and how much has changed since then. What I have learned, experienced, and struggled with.

Yes, people are different from you. That is not a bad thing. Sometimes it's actually good. Shocker I know. Just let their personality be and love them for it. Making friends in college is sometimes just as scary as it was in middle school. But that doesn't mean once you say "Hey, I like your Chaco's" (awkward Bible school shoe reference.. for those that don't know they are basically Jesus sandals.) you get to run and hide in the bathroom, it means you actually get to know them and possibly do life with them. It's pretty cool.

Coffee is a friend, but not an addiction... yet.

The freshman 15 is real. Run away from in (literally. but run sooner than I did!)

Not getting mail from friends or family is actually really upsetting. Which means when you do open that little metal door and see a card your life gets 50 times better.

7:35's every morning really aren't that bad when you like to listen to the earth sleeping on your way to class.

NWTS.  That is all.

Being around people 24/7 is for sure something I have had to adjust myself to. I love it and I hate it. My hall is full of lovely ladies, and I have THE BEST RA's ever. I just adore those two, and their beautiful roommates. Think of it like a hotel full of your friends, only though you never leave, and there isn't a lady to make your bed every morning. Sad.

I am convinced that room checks are to teach us how to keep a home when we are married. And if I wasn't so dang clean and organized, or afraid to get a DR I would rebel. Cause being a housewife just sounds yucky to me.

Staying up late will never be my favorite. Sleep is always better. And mornings... I still hang on to my love of mornings.

I love the city so much. I fall head over heels for it more and more everyday. ALSO Having the Smokey Mountains in the background isn't terrible. I am constantly reminded of Gods intent for a perfect world here. I am also reminded of my sins and that I do not deserve any of this, but his grace has more than covered me.

I am now volunteering at Emerald Youth Foundation. (That statement has so much meaning behind it I get chills just thinking about it.) I had so many fears, worries, and anxiety about leaving my kids back home in Lexington. And I can tell you that many days I hear the Professors kids laughing thinking they belong to my own babies, and when I realize they aren't in the same state as me my heart breaks a little.

I can no longer drive a few minutes down the road with my windows down visiting all the neighborhood kids on beautiful Sundays, playing in puddles or riding on their scooters. But I still love them. And they know that. I still pray for them, and they are the first ones I go to see once I'm home. No one will ever take their places in my heart.

But the first day I walked into Emeralds afterschool program I was nothing short of excited and nervous. Right away some of the girls waved me over to sit with them, and even some of the boys wanted help with reading. After talking to Cory (The director at EYF) I found out what the struggles were homework wise, and their strengths, because you never just focus on the negative with these kids - there is enough of that already from everyone else. 

Math sheets. Reading packets. Slobber from a girl who is convinced she is a cat. And a debate over whether mental math includes a calculator or not... these are the things I had been missing for so long. I am still learning names, and behaviors. Rules and boundaries are usually the same, right? Not always. Every kid has their own way of listening and learning. So sometimes you have to work a little harder. Not lenient, but aware of what works and what doesn't.

Today I laid on the basketball court (one of my favorite things) next to a little thing that is supposedly in 3rd grade. His size would make you think otherwise. He played with the 1st graders because lets be honest... they were almost bigger than him. He put his around mine and said "HI" The middle and high school boys playing basketball next to us looked at me funny... cause this little white girl just decided to lay right on the base line. Weird right? But I just needed to get on his level. That's all.

And we became friends. Just from asking questions on that gym floor.

I have been here for two months. And I am starting to feel this place reaching out for me, and pulling me in close. Never wanting to let me go until it knows I've been here long enough.

And for once  I'm not fighting back.