I exclaimed at dinner that I had a game plan. I knew what I wanted to do. And this was not in the cards. Not yet. And just as quickly I had burst out with emotion in saying that, he told me it was this time last year I had a game plan that didn't go my way either. And I am so thankful God changed them. He shook things up last minute and changed them for the better. Uncomfortable. That's what this has become. And the second I get used to my version of uncomfortable, God shows me what real uncomfortable looks like. Anxious. Nervous. Excited. Hesitant. Challenging. Those are the words. The feelings I have about that e-mail. And I have no idea what's to come of it. Nothing maybe. Something. Either way I have zero control over this. And I'll be honest, not having control puts me into survival mode. And that is not ever pretty.
My hearts roots were dug up last year. Torn out of this soil in a violent manner. It was my own fault though. I didn't prepare well enough. And now my roots are mobile. Even stronger than before somehow, now that they aren't attached to one location, but many. They belong in the city. And I have learned that you don't have to be stuck in one place. Your passions don't fade away with distance, you grow with it, find out that you can tend to people in similar situations all over. And they need you just like you need them. I fell in love where my roots grew first, but that love hasn't stopped. It has flourished with the changes. And sending this email is just one of the many big moves I will been making.
I am the girl who sees what needs to be done, and I do it. In this case I needed a little pushing (ok a lot) but now that it's done I am more confident that I could do it again in a year, or whenever the next opportunity arises. For once I am letting God be in control. Survival mode might not look as glamorous as having it all together, but the moment I do have it all together... that's when y'all better watch out
