"Don't turn your back to the waves!"
"But I'm too scared!"
"You just have to face it head on."
And then she went back to the shore.
On my last Sunday in San Diego, Amy and I went to where everything somehow makes sense. After a tough night before, both of us were in need of some salt water and sun set healing. So we filled our glasses with coconut water, put on our swim suits, and pilled in sweet Nan determined to find peace.
That was when the biggest wave I've ever seen in person beat me up like I was a guy in fight club. Salt in my eyes, my mouth, and sand everywhere (I'm still convinced I have sand in my ears from that darn wave) This is when I started to feel defeated. Like okay, I am supposed to be out here enjoying myself, and spending time with Amy... but no, this wave had other ideas and I retreated to my beach chair to cough up water and sand and cry about the new bruises I had from hitting the ground so hard.
"You done?"
Heck no I wasn't done.
Was I going to come all this way to the beach just to get wrecked by one massive wave and call it a day?
No way.
Even after Amy had found her way back to our spot on the beach, I stayed in those waves. The waves I later found out were on the news for some of the biggest and strongest this season. But I could have told you that! And I remembered what she said about facing the waves. Maybe she was right. Maybe facing them wasn't so scary and I was the one who really needed to trust that I would end up okay. Even if I did get a little beat up by the waves. Even if I needed to let the water rush over me while I catch my footing again.
So, after a few half attempts, I did it.
I turned my swim suit clad body to the setting sun.
To face the waves head on.
I jumped up, and came right back down as if no effort was needed.
I wish I could explain to you the feeling that came over me. I had a peace about me, but also so much excitement! I wanted to do it again and again as if I was a child going to the beach for the first time. I stayed out there, facing some of the biggest waves of the season, sharing the space with some of the most talented surfers I've ever seen. We exchanged comments like, "Dude, this is crazy" and I even caught myself yelling back at Amy like, "Did you see that one?!"
We ended the night with a less than exciting sunset, but I won't remember the clouds and darker sky. I'll remember Amy listening to my story, praying over me, and being the encouraging voice I needed to see that facing the waves head on, isn't all that bad.
This is all I can say to describe my summer here in San Diego, a season in my life where more often than not I wanted to turn my back on the hard things. I wanted to close my eyes and act like I did not know what was coming my way, or take control over situations that were much more heavy, powerful, and messy than I could handle on my own. But the day I realized that getting knocked down, beat up, or bruised up a little bit in urban ministry didn't mean I needed to sit out... was the day I felt the most at peace with where God had me.
I started to face the waves head on in San Diego, but that doesn't mean the adventure stops here...
