#305

 Part of me is hesitant to write about this one.

Most of the small things in my life feel big, 

and the big things are self explanatory.

But this one is different.

This one mattered more to those close to me, 

proximity close, that is.

And if we use deductive reasoning, 

proximity close,to Chloe means, 

close close.

I tried counting the days here in 305.

It was a lot harder than I thought it would be.

The transition here was so muddy,

the beginning and the current and the old,

all blur together.

Putting rent money in a savings account 

for almost a year

is not what they tell you will happen 

after you graduate college.

But I waited.

Even as the opportunities presented themselves,

I waited for the next right move.

Whether you count the day I got the key,

or the day I slept here first,

or when I came back from the West Coast.

305 has been my own.

Still a bit awkward,

poorly decorated.

It screams "that girl is a minimalist"

until you see the shoe boxes in the corner of my closet. 

I pray this weekend I can will myself to pay full price for a nice dresser,

 instead of waiting yet another month for a cheap secondhand one.

I am thankful for all the unmatching items that came to me and 305.

I am proud of myself for buying a few necessities,

 planning what I can live without,

 what I can live with,

 and budgeting everything 50 times a day

 to make sure I would survive beyond the first month.

Nothing makes me happier than walking to my mail box

 and getting surprise hugs from kids

 sneaking into the pool.

Or how my 3 minute drive home usually takes

 30 because I stop and see everyone I love along the way.

From hanging out at the park,

to driving to the "hood store"

to having a patio that backs up to the cut

 all the boys use to get to the other end of Woodhill.
Not to mention having a yellow car,
so everyone knows where I am at all times.
Which means, windows down,
 waving, yelling,
 making frequent stops.
Yeah... I was being serious about the 30 minute thing.

305 feels like the place I never accounted for.

The place that is going to prove me wrong,

 and absolutely right at the same time.

I tried on my own terms to get here for so long.

And that's why I'm hesitant to share this season,

 this experience.

305 is very new.

While at the same time, so natural.

  I just want to live awhile before I tell its story fully.

This Time Last Year

This time last year... there were only studs up in our new home on Codell and the frustration continued as we felt set back after set back pie in front of us.

This time last year... there was a gravel pit where our gym should've been.

This time last year... he turned 40 in the parking lot, and we celebrated.

This time last year... it was my first school year on staff at LLF and instagram will remind you of the anxiety and breakdowns that happened leading up to all those meetings, introductions, and pitching what my blank canvas could become.

This time last year... we had no idea who any of the family we've rolled with, everyday for the last 3 months, were.

This time last year... living in Woodhill was just a childhood dream.

This time last year... there wasn't a teenage boy in their home.

This time last year... we were doing a lot of the same things we are doing now, just all over the city. Loving, listening, basketball, van rides, goal setting, discipline, praying, laughing, academy, making connections, etc.

This time last year... we had a plan, then another one, then another one... and we almost lost our minds when all of them were crushed before they could even develop.

I not usually the girl that thinks on the past often unless someone reminds me of it, or it's a really good story to share. But this past year is one I can't really forget easily.

Fresh out of college, brand new building, countless new faces that have become familiar.

Some days I wonder where the time went.

Day like today, especially.

I am thankful for how hard this year was.
How beautiful it was.
How it set us up for more hard years and even more beauty throughout.

It makes me think where we will be a year from now...
But for right now, it's time to take a deep breath, enjoy the still and quiet for a few hours, before they all get off the bus!

love to give

I honestly can't remember what the gaps used to feel like before them.

They don't allow for much room.

We are adjusting to it.

I told her I got the better end of the deal, because after he left them...

he attached himself to me at the hip and we haven't looked back since.

Now I wonder if there was fine print to that deal...

Growing pains don't look the same for everyone.

But when you're us, you know how to read the signs and feel it coming before you turn the corner.

This was a step forward and five steps back in a lot of ways.

And I fight myself on what I... what we all chose, everyday.

I want to say I am still learning myself, I still have a long way to go...

I can't blame anyone but myself.

But I know not all of this is to be left for me to carry.

Seasons change.

They will come back, they will.

Home has always been them... always been us.

And I will not ever regret those moves forward, to morn the steps that we lost.

I will remember the ache this left inside of us and do what it takes to make sure the fine print comes out bold, and we all know that the family grows.

And there is always love to give.