This time though, there were too many.
And on a street I know well.
I turned around, like I would any other day, and made my way through an almost blinding sea of lights, people.
Tevin leaned out the window to ask what was going on and the next few moments felt like an eternity.
"A kid was just shot."
Everything in my body wanted to scream and cry but all it could do was run and find where he/she was. Someone on the sidewalk said "he is one of the boys at Crawford, you know him."
My body started to shake.
I was forcing myself to take in deep breaths and managed to dial Marcus's number before I got sick... I could feel my stomach twist into knots.
I asked the police officer standing in front of a town houses fence if he knew who it was,
I needed to know who it was.
I heard the boy cry and curse in pain behind the fence.
I recognize the voice and shove past the officer saying, "That's my kid!"
After pushing past a few more officers, I saw him laying there in his own blood, trying to hold back tears and answer the officers stupid ass questions for the 5th time I'm sure.
"Chloe, oh my god?! what the hell?!" We hugged and sort of laughed cause we hadn't seen each other all summer.
Yes, one of my kids, no he wasn't from Crawford.
Already people just beyond the fence were making up stories and that pissed me off.
Tev asked what happened to him, I hadn't even realized he had followed me past all those officers, I was so focused on finding the kid...
I was thankful and nervous he had followed me.
Familiar pain, and avoidable images will now be engraved in his mind.
I wish I could have protected both of them.
He starts to explain what happened, then immediately changes the subject to a fight he had gotten into at school, and how he had been suspended for possession etc.
He apologized to me for it all.
This 16 year old, who has just been shot, apologized to me for not doing the right thing in school.
I hadn't cried up to that point, but I was pretty close after that.
I convince him to tell the police what he knows, something we have worked on in the past... authority.
Tev and I both look at each other in fear we know exactly who did it.
That's the crazy thing about our hood.
It's small, close knit, but the dividing lines are in thick ink.
I swallow hard and try not to think about it.
I had been holding his hand this whole time waiting for EMT's to arrive... even the cop standing behind me radios in, "for the love of god where is the ambulance its been over 20 mins!"
It's a shooting in Woodhill...
I guess I wasn't surprised all the cops in the area showed up a half hour before an ambulance.
I think the more alarming thing was no one tried to stop the bleeding during that time.
When they finally arrived they made me move away from him while they cut his jeans up and took a bullet out of his leg.
I never want my kids to be in pain... when he asked for anesthesia we smiled and said "you're tough, you don't need it."
Over and over again I told him he was okay.
Maybe I was trying to convince myself we were all gonna be okay too.
I tried to make Tev leave as he watched a friend of his scream and flinch in pain.
He didn't move.
I followed them as they took one of my kids into the ambulance.
I felt all types of emotions up to that point.
But the second they shut that door and I turned around.
I was full of anger.
Looking around the block I saw dozens of faces I knew.
Faces that should be getting ready for bed, it was a school night.
I hugged Rona, thankful it hadn't been her or her kids too, knowing she saw it all go down.
My kids always find it weird for the first few months of knowing me how quick I am to say I love them... this is one of the reasons I do it.
Whether they hear it from anywhere else or not,
I will make sure they know they are loved, no matter what.
Because unfortunately, as much as I want to be able to protect them at all times, I can't.
I took Tevin home.
When I walked through the door to my apartment, the tears started to fall.
I didn't realize before I had his blood on me.
I felt sick all over again.
This could have been so much worse.
Every time I tired to close my eyes I saw him laying on the ground again.
Wide awake all night.
I asked God what the hell he was waiting on.
The next morning cops were all over school.
Kids had been talking about it.
My fear of knowing who had done it was confirmed.
My heart was beating fast with more sadness than anger again.
And despite how painful and chaotic it is, was, everyone still goes about their day like normal.
The only difference is?
The ripple effect has begun in our community.
So instead of going about my day like normal, I do what I can to redirect the aftershock.
I won't apologize for it.
I won't ask for help.
This is just the ebb and flow of sin and hurt and hopelessness
mixed in a pot that someone just shook up.
If you act surprised about it now, you were never meant to be here in the first place.
So while you ask me sympathy questions,
I'll have my ears to the ground in hopes there isn't a next time.
