You would think I had said something about making moves in 2015 or something.
I heard back from the people with a possible internship opportunity for me in Chicago this summer, they want to know when a good time to call is... I've already spoken to them in person, sent in the application, and prayed on it as much as a girl like me can. I wasn't worried until now. Raising money for an entire summer - when there are still bills to pay for last summers international trip, makes my stomach turn upside down. "How will you work for a non-profit if you can't ask for money, that's all they do." Well to answer your question sweet stranger, compassion. I won't have to ask for much, I will just introduce, share stories, and allow those blessed with the resources we won't always have an opportunity to see into our lives. Help them to understand. Money for others is a whole other ball game. Money for me? That is a situation where some words can't be shared out loud. Like I said earlier though, I'm praying about it. The word for this is timing. Not stress, money, doubt - timing.
I sent some e-mails, crunched some numbers, and stared at a computer screen way too long, but after all that I feel like adding a minor in Sports Ministry is the next right move. You can ask me the reasons, or go ahead and assume if you know me well enough. I'd love to tell you about my passion for athletics, kids, the body, and a safe environment to encourage dreams. I'm hoping to talk to the men in charge tomorrow. I am excited and nervous all at the same time. My current majors are split in rookie status and thriving... adding this to the table would most likely end in a rookie weighted status. But I am up for the challenge should they see it as a good next move too.
Getting an echocardiogram on my heart at 20 years old wasn't the first thing on my bucket list when I made it out of the teenage years - but here I am! My heart is still beating, off beat, but it's doing it's thing. The nurses had to dye my blood cause my ribs are so close together and made it hard to see my heart. Instead of making it seem like an issue they just told me I had extra protection around my heart. And that made me feel pretty great. We talked about horses, and at risk youth, and the fact that I was the youngest patient they have had in years. I do my best to befriend all medical personal I encounter - as much as I dislike the whole thing... they are pretty helpful. Stress test and more results to come.
This broken foot has caused me great anxiety and brought me more lessons than I can count. My heart, my perspective, my independence, pride, humility, thankfulness, will power, honesty, and more have all been greatly impacted - changed - or shaken. Not to mention the fact I'm benching 140 each day - all day. I have been called names in fun, looked down on literally, and challenged by friends who wait to see if I truly am as "independent" as I say. I will never look at those in wheel chairs the same, because at the end of the day, I still walk, I get out of the chair, or I put the crutches up and hobble to bed. I will run, and play ball again. I will get to wear my right shoes again. And I won't have to leave for class 20 minutes early cause those dang hills beat you up on one leg. I will never know what it feels like to be them - but I have some mad flipping respect for them that's for sure.
I had a little break down yesterday after one of my professors asked the class what their favorite Gospel was - when I had no answer I began to wonder why I didn't... or why I should. Thinking about how terrible I do in every Bible class here I got a little skeptical and questioned if I could do this, if I could actually get through 2 more years of this. I love it. It's hard. And I learn something everyday, but I am way, way over people assuming I know a good amount of this stuff before I came here. Yeah I am a Christian and I do the best I can to emulate Christ in all that I do... but that doesn't mean I know why John is so different from Matthew, Mark, and Luke. Grades don't define me, good works don't define me. Praise God for come to Jesus meetings in the shower with Kendrick playing in the background.
Exciting things are happening in the margins right now - so I am intentionally leaving lots of space to symbolize all the chapters being written right now. Past making the present happen and the present working hard in the now and the future. I kind of feel like I am advertising my own album or something and people (mostly myself) are just waiting for it to drop. It's all been leading up to these moments, these conversations, the questions, the sweat and tears. I'm here to say wait on it. Cause you won't be disappointed. My small victories and horrendous failures are all part of the training.
