Not my will but Yours

My desk is covered in colored pens, work sheets, a bag of munchies (thanks mom!), a Pentateuch study guide and an essay question prompt for tomorrows exam at 7:35am. (Insert the look of sheer pain and horror as I prepare for my first real Jody O. exam.) Pushing my glasses up my nose like all the "nerds" I never wanted to be as a child, and wearing my Johnson sweats like a true college freshman. I have been reading over the book of Matthew for my Gospel Narratives class. When I came across Matthew chapter 19 verse 29. "And everyone who has left houses, or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life."

I wake up each morning with the same question resting on my lips. Daring God to show me why I am here. Because if I'm honest I still feel on the fence about this whole thing. And I want to be sure that this is what I am supposed to be doing. That I will learn, grow, and be challenged all while having the opportunity to love and be loved by this place and the people here. I think God has been waiting for this a long time. He knew that I would fight Him tooth and nail on getting here, and once I made it here the fight wouldn't be over. He has an answer every time. I can just see him shaking his head like "I have a million reasons for you to be here, leaving everyone you love and doing life with these people is just part of the process. I got all the time in the world (lol) Keep 'em coming child."

He has sent a thunderstorm, wind, people, service opportunities, new churches, crazy dreams becoming reality, and the most important, His word. Not once have I opened my bible since being here has it not provided another reason I am doing His will. Which brings me back to Matthew 19:29...

Those who leave everything for Christ will be rewarded 100 times more. That's me. And as hard as it was, and has been. Eternal life just seems to flipping awesome to pass up. I may not be the best Bible major student that comes through Johnson's doors, but you can sure as heck believe that I will rock the boat while here...

Not my will but Yours, Lord.

Memories & Now

    

     Today I am remembering. Remembering so many days full of laughs, and attitudes. Days with my kids that would literally keep me alive some weeks. Hard days looked like tears and loud voices, maybe even having to lay under the table just to get on the same level. Good days looked like a planner with no marks and a good grade on a spelling test. But maybe it was also just learning how to share and keep our hands to ourselves.

 

     I never knew what kind of day it would be until I saw them coming up the hill out of their portables and into the vans. High fives and hugs or an argument about wanting to go home instead of Academy, that was always the anticipation on Mondays and Thursdays. Small victories are like the Olympics around there.

 

     Today I won't be there. I won't be there all semester. And it sucks. Not as much as it did before because I've learned. And they have grown up and learned to that I can't always be there. But what I can do is love. Love them from wherever I am, always. And I can only hope that I did enough to prove them that.

 

I can't wait to see them.

     Right now I have been pretty much stuck in the bubble of Johnson U. I've left campus several times for Boomsday, church, and the all important Wal - Mart runs, but I haven't been to the city yet. In my Encountering Cultures class there have been numerous organizations similar to Urban Impact speak and recruit volunteers. I.AM.SO.FREAKING.EXCITED. I was wired to serve, and to love. So being stuck in limbo and trying to balance out my new normal in school has made that a little hard. I am stir crazy. Western Heights and Montgomery Village are two neighborhoods that have really stuck out the last three weeks and I signed up to work at Emerald Youth Foundation for our campus wide service day next week. It's like serve the city for all my Lexington friends. Praise God! I couldn't be more excited to get out into the community.

     I am doing my best not to get stuck in the past and where I'm not. Focusing on what I have learned and am learning to use it now in the present, to make an impact in Knoxville. It is a beautiful city just waiting to be loved. I get sad when I look at pictures or think of my kids and how I won't get to hug them all the time. But what I can get excited about is developing relationships here with the kids and the community of Knoxville. "GO and make disciples." Not "stay where you are comfortable."

     I am excited for what the future holds, because if it's half as good as all these memories then shoo I'm in for a wild ride!