The air is changing, the sails have shifted, and the year of Jubilee is here.
I'm looking outside a dirty floor to ceiling window in A Cup of Commonwealth at fast walking business men, and cart pushing homeless.
Wondering which news article is going to be sent to me this weekend in hopes for my perspective.
Whether it is the Nashville Statement, Joel Osteen, Confederate Statues... again, people seem to care what I think.
And when I say, care about what I think, I don't actually mean that.
Trust me, if I wanted to sit around and talk about it, write about it, I would.
I would be heard.
They care for a response against what they know.
What they grew up with.
They want me to be the white, female - believer of Jesus and justice - Liberal Arts meets Bible school educated - millennial, who just hates the idea of normal gender roles - and would dare to say whatever she's thinking in front of her conservative, very southern, grandma any day.
They want someone that cares about them, to argue with them, in the most respectable way.
To offer the "other" perspective, since I am up close and personal with that "other."
Ain't that some bullshit.
I have become jaded and cynical even more than I began.
Unfortunately day to day conversations have become background noise.
Nothing hurts more than not knowing how or who or what to do with a high schooler and their family in the midst of chaos.
Watching people you care about suffer from a system that protects you over anyone else.
Swallowing the truth that I will do nothing to help the majority of those suffering in this world, and I know they very one who can, and I don't even bother to thank Him most days.
People want so badly for the numbers. The results. The victories.
And they want to watch us bleed from a distance, but throw the opportunity for us to speak about that pain, without ever offering to apply pressure on our wounds while they stand there blindly.
I do not have all the answers, I don't always ask the right questions, I don't always rest, or jump into action, or respond in the most loving way.
I read my twitter feed way more than my Bible.
But my goodess I am trying.
I said the Year of Jubilee is here, and I mean that.
It sure doesn't feel like that though.
Our fields are under water.
The seeds have been stepped all over in protests.
And the harvest baskets are light.
Yet, the work is still there.
I will not miss the blessing of one soul because I am tired.
Or there is a lack of direction or help or distractions with mega phones and cameras.
I will fail.
But I won't stop trying because the air is changing, and the sails have shifted.
So please, go ask someone else what they think about these articles,
or step out into these streets yourself.
Dare ya.
