Your favorite fairy tale growing up probably involved a prince saving the princess.
Maybe it ended saying, "Happily Ever After."
Or maybe you are the young feminist that liked more of a heroin that held her own...
saving the people she loved most.
And the music was triumphant in the background.
Bump that.
I knew early on, no one was coming to save me.
I also knew that "saving the people I love" would end up killing me before I did any real good.
And that music in the background?
Yeah... it's trap beats.
Making references to the very things causing harm to the people I love.
But here we are.
Here I am.
Always coming to this white screen after a long stint of time spent in the world.
I come here when I no longer feel.
I come here when I fear that my words are being swallowed up by darkness...
the opposite of a happily ever after.
I know death.
I know threats.
I know crying voices on the phone.
And I am tired.
Tired of coming home to explain myself.
Tired of explaining everyone's actions.
Black. White. Brown. Blue.
Perhaps if we had a panel...
Maybe we should strip away more rights...
Include those that have prior experience in life or death situations...
Bump that.
I intimidate people.
At least that's what the people tell me whose friends won't approach me first.
"Good." I laugh it off...
I didn't know I was supposed to be Miss America in the grocery store.
I've separated myself from a lot of people recently...
Maybe we drifted apart.
Maybe I wanted it this way.
"Chlo... you know those dudes are a distraction anyway."
My high schoolers are smarter than y'alls relationship counselors.
I tell them, "You right... it's just me and y'all."
But when you see me, doing my thing, unapologetic... and you feel threatened... don't be,
Use that as motivation to do exactly what you want to do, no apologies.
Then you will understand why I will never have that taken from me.
-
I've had a hard time falling asleep this past month. A hard time getting out of bed.
Things that have been long awaited, are just out of reach.
It has taken every ounce of my being not to yell, kick, scream, cry, and curse everyone out.
Forgive me... I probably just need sleep, or a cookie.
There are just some thing that I cannot seem to find patience or grace for anywhere.
I don't want to be like that anymore.
But there is no hero to this story.
No white horse.
No triumphant music.
It's my tribe, me... and a lot of trap beats.
We will live in a story full of happiness, and unfortunately, a lot of darkness too.
We will fight everyday to thrive in a place that doesn't believe we can.
But it is our story to tell.
And we will live.
