Giddy, anxious, excited, nervous, butterflies.
These were all feelings I had as I prepared for Middle
School camp.
I do believe I was more excited about it than the kids.
After a week of rough home life situations, court meetings,
hard Wednesday night talks, shootings, suicide, and just anxiety in my own
life, this was something we all needed.
We needed the mountains.
We needed family.
We needed Christ.
I told myself not to worry about the usual things I would in
regards to overnight trips.
I prayed that God would be in every action.
More often than not I forget I’m not superwoman… I don’t
know how though…
Thank goodness I have people remind me daily that I actually
suck at a lot of things!
Just kidding.
With a lot of encouragement and wise words coming my way, I took a deep breath and got on that bus full of kids I have grown close to over the last 6 months.
I was born for this.
The cabin was basically a mansion. I felt like I was on vacation with my extended family.
Rachel and I dream for a life like that, much like the Kingdom, where we are all under the same roof. Even a few of our favorites said they wanted to live there with everyone too.
Blood is nothing when you have Jesus in common.
Not to bash our blood relatives at all, but some of these kids have no idea what a healthy household looks like. And for three days, they got to experience a steroid version of that.
Being able to pray with each of the girls in my room as I tucked them in, being able to tell them they are beautiful the second they woke up, facing fears with the boys as they climbed up a ropes course. Playful roast sessions, and encouragement when they thought they couldn't go higher.
And then they did.
Sharing meals.
Sharing clothes, pillows, blankets.
Sharing painful secrets.
Being honest about my own struggles.
Telling them that I don't have all the answers during small group, and crying in front of them felt like a failure. Then one of them spoke up, tears in her eyes, saying "I've always been told to suck it up."
Not here.
Not with me.
Not with Christ.
I spent my very early mornings watching the sun rise, and as the kids woke up, stumbling out of their rooms, each gave me a wave, or head nod on their way to breakfast.
My favorite though was when they would gasp and run to give me a hug or ask me if I slept in the couch all night. "That is so uncomfortable why didn't you ask for a bed?!"
Middle schoolers struggle with identity, belonging, expressing themselves, being oddly inbetween too young and too old for everything.
They are usually the middle kid (shout out).
And heaven forbid they didn't have their phones for an hour.
I love how weird they are.
And I am fearful for how I acted at their age!
But they remind me daily how uncool I am... so no worries there!
Being able to worship with 100 other people searching for Jesus to be a part of their lives in any sort of way, that is something that gives me chills.
Learning how to lead alongside some of best people in the game has been such an honor and humbling experience.
When I need to cry before sessions cause "I am not cut out for this" they are right there beside me to slap those words out of my mouth and remind me why I am here.
Remind me I was born for this.
I hate having a kid sob in my lap for 30 minutes because life sucks.
I love being able to pray with a kid and say "so yeah... welcome to the Jesus fam."
I love when my kids try to give me life advice.
"cause let's be real Ms. Chloe... you are a little crazy."
I know I am.
I have to be crazy to be so in love with Jesus I would let those kids eat my last cookie!
Or to only get 5 hours of sleep this weekend,
dance in the rain just to embarrass them,
let them STEAL my favorite Kentucky sweatshirt,
use my towel,
get me to dress up like a zombie and lip sync to Thriller with 12 minutes of prep time.
I am exhausted and full of joy.
