Good 'Ole Rocky Top

"I am starting to feel this place reaching out for me, and pulling me in close. Never wanting to let me go until it knows I've been here long enough. And for once... I'm not fighting back." 

Those were the words I wrote 4 years ago about my sweet Knoxville.

I was finally able to accept the transitions.

Making friends with new kids on the basketball court and in college.

I feel like I was just the wild freshman girl who ran up  and down the halls of her dorm at all hours of the night dancing to Beyonce with her RA's.

Now I am about to walk across a stage with 2 degrees in just a few days.

I have a lot to say about my time here...

The life long friendships I made, the mistakes I made, the family I gained, the lessons I learned in and out of the classroom. But the words need time to sit awhile longer...

It's kind of wild how I felt like this city was reaching for me back then... like it new I was a runner, afraid of falling in love with another place I would eventually have to leave. 

But my goodness am I happy it did and that I stopped fighting back! 

And now, ironically, I am the one that doesn't want to let go completely,

and this city knows it's time.

My heart is breaking more and more at the thought of how in a few weeks I'll pack up my little yellow car and return to the Bluegrass... continuing my story, ending a chapter.

But now I can proudly say, 

Rocky Top, you'll always be, home sweet home to me.

We Back

There was once a time when we were so conjoined at the hip, that we were separated by force so he would listen to other leaders and I could set healthy boundaries. A lesson I have continued to learn with these young men who usually tower over me, forgetting their size doesn't change their age. For most, I am their sister. I am the one they tell about cute girls and the fights they get into. The one that for whatever reason, keeps choosing them. 

I remember when he asked me how long college was.

We were picking out his first day of school outfit and I was 2 years into undergrad.

"Half way there T... we can do it."

"Yeah... we can. What about this shirt?"

I swore there would never be another group of kids I could do the most normal day to day things with, and it feel like the greatest joy.

                                          

We were sitting around the table eating more food than we should have consumed.

Laughing so hard I thought for sure we would get kicked out of Golden Corral.

I looked at the family we've become. The inside jokes. 

The really hard days feeling far enough off that it only felt like good days existed. 

I was about to get in the car and head for Lexington one last time as an undergrad when it hit us.

I'll spare you the tears we had for a few seconds, but just know this, I was wrong 4 years ago. 

These kids proved me wrong in the most beautiful way. 

And I know for a fact the babies I left all those years ago would thank you for loving me so well.

I saw him from across the crowd.

Taller than everyone around him.

Still earning the nickname given to him in elementary school.

He has matured 10 times over and requested I be his teacher the next 3 years of high school.

     "Something like that" was my response. 

     Cause "we back."

I heard him call my name from across the crowd.

Immediately I saw her. 

One of the only girls on this earth that reminds me of my younger self so much it's scary. 

I still expect her to play ball somewhere like UK or UConn before she makes her way to the WNBA.

Still as stubborn and "anti feelings" as I remember her as a little girl, she responded to the news with 

     "Yeah okay... it's about time." 

     We shoved each other in the arm cause, "we back."

Pushing through the crowd was both fire and ice, anger and laughter, his arms wide open for a hug.

Heads taller than the last time I saw him, he said "my brothers are here too!" He already knew what I was going to ask... and so we went outside to see two other familiar faces. 

I wish you could feel what I felt in those next few moments. 

It was as if this specific level of joy I had once known, but had become dormant, was unlocked.

Not that I haven't felt joy... but this was different... this felt like coming home.

They came in close for my secret, and the one who knows my heart better than I know it myself asked with skepticism, 

     "Forever?"

     "Forever, ever." 

    

I Love That They Know

I've learned a lot about peoples love languages in the last few years...


They stood all around me.
Sweat dripping.
Before we had just given our head nods or high-fives in passing
while they ran down the court.
Now there were falling down around my feet and laying heads on my shoulder.
I didn't call them over here.
But that was game and they were catching their breath before they picked the next round of teams.
And brought soggy t-shirt hugs with them.
I love that they know.


Hard core - tears streaming down my face - belly hurting - laughed in the van this week.
If only people could hear what I hear cruising down Broadway or College St.
I tell people all the time there is something special about the times together.
The 'boy I'm on you's" and "Chloe, I have to talk to you's"
or the days we just have to play Chance.
Thankful I was trained to keep them safe, from the jump, but my goodness, do we have fun too.
I love that they know.


I sat and listened to kids defend their faith, and ask hard questions about this world.
Only jumping in when needed.
Being asked about racism, the gay community, Gods plan, suicide, all things I didn't expect to come across my radar that day, we tackled them together.
I am learning right along with them.
I love that they know.

-----

Simple things.
It's wild but,
I love that they know.

Filling.
Pouring.
Filling more and more.
Pouring always.

The sweaty hugs, the belly laughs, the hard conversations.
Like magic - they know.