joy in popsicles

i tossed and I turned last night.

i got up.

i laid back down.

but the excitement just couldn't seem to leave my body till about 4am.

then at 6am I was up again waiting on my alarm to go off in 15 minutes.

christmas morning is really the only thing I can compare it too.

the joy of knowing you get to spend the whole day with some of the coolest kids around is worth a sleepless - I can't wait - night. 

i picked out the red one.

one of the five shirts I 'get to wear'.

i put on the gifted shoes that aren't really shoes. 

and ran back up our apartment stairs to get my sunglasses. 

Can't forget the sunglasses!

the bananas were cut in half.

cereal was poured. 

everything was in order, now all we needed were kids!

as they pulled up we threw the football around.

i can catch way better than I can throw - i'm just being honest.

some familiar faces. some new faces. 

all middle school. gosh I wish I were as cool as middle schoolers! 

some things will never change. like my love for basketball.

or when you get picked third from last in pick up (surely not cause I am a girl... I blamed it on the shoe choice) I had two baskets and some steals - and cause I know you care so much three turnovers and a block. Not bad for what I was up against - NBA (middle school) offense these days is tough!

other adults had to tell me it was time for lunch - which I quickly informed them the next shot won.

our team lost. but we had some mad teamwork. our handles just need some work. 

something you learn about these kids real quick - they keep going and going and hardly eat anything. 

some of them never stop eating - but it's rare and they are mad picky. 

boxed school lunches never made anyone jump for joy, 

but there are people who would die to have what's inside them. 

our kids... they have been eating these boxed lunches all year. I don't blame them one bit. 

one of our boys didn't eat breakfast or lunch. so I asked him if he had a choice of an orange or banana what he would choose - orange it was. 

He devoured it. 

So I made a deal that if he wasn't going to eat the boxed lunch he needed to find me and eat the fruit I brought for the day. There is no way I am letting him go over 8 hours without eating while he is in my care. 

got over my fear of drowning for about an hour and managed to slide into 3ft of water seven times with the kids before my eyes were burning from chlorine. small victories right?

here's to the long summer days spent with kids that find joy in popsicles,

bad tan lines,

being sore after one day,

and praying the rain away just a little bit longer - even if it messes with your "twenty-something" plans later that night... cause a pool with seventeen middle schoolers is way better than those anyway!

sigh. tomorrow the babies are gonna be here. and the excitement starts all over again.

day 4

For only being here a few days I feel like I have lived here for a very long time.

I am at peace here.
I would not dare to say comfortable yet. I'll be honest I tip toed the first night cause I felt like I was staying over at someone else's apartment.
I'm more okay with the weight of my walk on the floors now.
I remembered where the silverware drawer was today.
Small victories.

I already made my own dinner, very poorly I might add. My roommate and I died laughing about how ridiculous I was in mistaking quarts for cups and had to start all over again.
My roommates made a much better dinner tonight - I just took the trash out and spilled black bean juice everywhere.

I called my mom.

Training.
Paper work on top of paper work.
I was sworn in to serve our nation, state side, the other day... weird.
My site has 6 girls and one very brave guy. God bless him.

Adventures in apartment number 8 are in full swing. With a busted water heater across the hall, one of my roommates and I managed to temporarily, and dramatically, stop the water, as well as calm the grandmother down. Not to mention acknowledging the little girl peeking around the stove we pulled from the wall.
In East Knoxville people don't really come around their units to help you out - you do it yourself. Don't worry guys. These ladies have it under control.

Packing lunches.
Cooking dinner.
Having friends over to 'your place.'
Doing dishes.
Groceries.
Going out with your roommates to hear some jazz.
Late night talks before an early morning - cause technically we are still young enough to be this sleep deprived and get away with it...
Laughing so hard you cry.

For only being here a few days I feel like I have lived here for a very long time.
*I think I like it here.

moments

words.

meaning.

moments.

all this will come to and end.

all this will shape and form.

identity.

early rising - no naps - up late

snuggles with my favorite 2 year old

nails painted by a 6 year old

waffle house

boyfriend shorts

untamed hair

sun kissed skin that "looks like sissy's"

night market 

north lime coffee & donuts

not drinking coffee for 2 weeks

sun

middle school lunch bunch

road tripping to georgetown with the best

academy

new dress

adventures in an old brewery 

sweet tea

counting down the days I will be back - then back here again

packing up my life

reading with my kids

fried chicken 

street art 

new music

exploring old warehouses 

getting rid of 1/3 of my wardrobe 

reading a book that actually sucks

living out of boxes

taking care of a friend

new movies

crazy old man who believes in biracial couples

being claimed as the third

young adult groceries 

spray paint 

not saying goodbye

sirens

learning the system - so I never become like it fully

building soap box cars

developing the future gameplan

taking responsibility 

ambition

                                                                

                                              

Current Battle

You would think going into my third year of Bible school I would have learned to pick up my Bible first instead of my phone.

You would think after being baptized I would find it only logical to pray and listen to what my savior had to say about something, not humans.  

My trained ability to apply self - help and joy seeking life motto's has sort of pushed out the thought of a book with more questions and answers than I could ever come up on my own. 

Oh well right? Nope. I don't get off that easy. I know better. I know better because I did do something right in the biblical sense. I surrounded myself with people that push me, challenge me, lift me up in prayer when I cannot, lead me in the way Christ would want me if I was flipping smart enough to understand and act upon. These people come in all ages, professions, and locations. I seek their council. But sometimes I shouldn't. 

And that is the current battle. 

Knowing when and who to communicate with, and have I actually given myself and God the time to wrestle with it any time before? I know this is my current battle because more than once, in recent, has it been revealed to me that I need to sit down and deal with this. I do not talk about my own faith enough - because I find it very similar to wet cement. The very substance that can be hardened and solidified with such reinforcement and strength - has such an unfortunate weakness. When wet, it can be moved, molded, and imprinted with anything someone wants to decorate it with... Even the experts.

I know what I have been told to believe my whole life - with some terrible theology to back it up. And I know what I have been taught now in college with some pretty good theology. 

My entire being moves for Him. Yet, that book hasn't led me the way I should let it. I have my moments. When the Spirit consumes me and I physically cannot get up off the ground till I give in to what it wants me to do - or not do. Not in a weird demonic way - cause it is the Spirit - but more in a burning sort of way. 

I want to breathe Him in, in the morning. I want to hold His hand throughout the day and greet all I meet along the way with Him. I want to fall asleep knowing He is there. I want to love with Him. I may never know the scriptures like my professors, the Pharisees, or Jesus himself. I do want to know them. Have them become my DNA. I have learned skills for discernment, contextualizing, application etc. Now all I need to do is sit my d*** self down to read and read and read. And know what they meant years ago, and know what they tell us now. 

Recently I have taken my own path "laced in His workings." God doesn't deserve laced. He deserves the whole freaking thing. 

So, I head into summer 2015, apartment living, junior year, twenty-something, etc. with the mindset that running to Him and His word is way, way better than what I have been doing thus far. It won't be perfect, and not too much fun at first... but like it says below He will delight in it. And I like Him enough to try.  

"Trust God from the bottom of your heart;

    don’t try to figure out everything on your own.

Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;

    he’s the one who will keep you on track.

Don’t assume that you know it all.

    Run to God! Run from evil!

Your body will glow with health,

    your very bones will vibrate with life!

Honor God with everything you own;

    give him the first and the best.

Your barns will burst,

    your wine vats will brim over.

But don’t, dear friend, resent God’s discipline;

    don’t sulk under his loving correction.

It’s the child he loves that God corrects;

    a father’s delight is behind all this." Proverbs 3:5-12