Dear A

Dear A,

I remember the day I first met you. Your voice was nothing but hate and anger. And people were scared to get to close. I was told to leave you be. I didn't listen.

I remember seeing you fight back for so long. Adult after adult tried to control the hate spilling over and your easy to trigger emotions seemed to get hold of you before you even knew what to do. A battle none of us could win... it was you that needed to fix it.

A, I remember the day she had you pinned to the ground... you kept fighting. Exhausted, I held a phone to her mouth while the both of you struggled and I was there, watching you. It seemed so easy for you... we got so sweaty and out of breath just to keep you still.

I remember coming home that day.  I remember the pain in my heart.  The scars on another's arms remind the past struggles... I was told to leave you be. I didn't listen.

Dear A, if you only knew how many people really do love you. How many times whispered prayers were for you. So many people called you bad. Uncontrollable. I know a few who had a dream of what it would be like to see you grow up better but doubted your abilities. I remember the day I said "The day he looks me in the eyes... then I will know."

Sometimes my mind wanders to the day your emotions flared (what others call bad behavior) you threw a table at me... and she had you take deep breaths. I remember those breathes. I took a few myself.

Time has come and gone A, and today.... you looked me in the eyes.

I was scared. So many leave it to others, and the rest just don't try. But I got down. On my knees and prayed that God would bring peace to the fist you tightened as I got to your level. "Throwing rocks is dangerous A. I'm gonna need you to apologize before I get crazy." What happened next will probably make so many laugh, and the rest question what the heck makes that any better? But I know.

Your sweet voice trying not to sound to mean or to weak "Imma need you to go with me so I don't hit nobody!" Flooded with happiness. I sigh. because you looked at me with complete honesty and admitted you needed help. Without any hate, anger, or violence you apologized and ran off to do some thinking. While you did this, I thought a lot as well. I thanked God for you. And how far you have come.

Dear A,
 You laughed today, smiled, said you're sorry, played with other kids, said my name over and over out of joy, AND you asked for a hug... which turned into chocking but hey.. I'll take what I can get<3