Born for this.

     My body was so sore. I had worked all day and then did inventory that night till about 2:30am. But I still went to church that morning to be with my kindergarten class, thinking I would go home and sleep for a few hours. Instead she told me that K was here and that turkey drop was going on today if I would want to help. BAM.

     Having a servants heart is not as easy as it seems. The moment I hear about an opportunity to help someone, or do something to better a situation I have to do it. Other wise I can't think of anything else. Even if I know I have a ton of school, or I have to work at my real job, or my body hurts, and I am pushing myself way over its limit. No sleep. No time to think. Yeah sure I'll stay and help.

     The turn out was crazy, I was so happy to see all these people wanting to help. That's another thing with having a servants heart. When other people get involved its like a kid in a candy store. My back is literally in so much pain holding back the tears was the easy part. Admitting I couldn't lift anymore turkeys, or carry the bags to the cars was the worst. Because I just could not help that person anymore.

     Delivering the turkeys we went to some of our kids houses. And for a spilt second, i think he really smiled when he saw me. "Miss Chloe?" he was playing a golf game on the tv. The house was dark. But the love I felt was greater than anything. His smile was more than enough for my sore body to keep going.

     Academy day. Thanksgiving dinner for the kids and their families, from all three sites. I walked in and three of my kids were already on the wall for getting in trouble. Yes, it was one of those days. Like you know I'm stressed so let me push you over the limit kind of day.

     "Breathe." She said.

     The laughs, hugs, smiles, and kisses were a reminder of why i do what I do. The "I got an A on my math homework" hug is reassuring me its not just some big play I'm in. This is real. it's isn't just having a servants heart anymore. this is me wanting to do everything in my power to see these kids make and reach their goals in life. That their dreams would become reality. And that they become leaders. So far i can see a little bit of this.

     The attitudes, the back talk, the tears, the fists thrown. It is still hard for me to deal with. but I am learning by experience what works and what doesn't. Someone told me today that I was born for this. Pause. Breathe. What? Dang. That out of anyone they knew it would be me to do this, be with kids, teach them, and grow with them. I may have to take a step back sometimes and breathe, or even cry. That's because these things they go through are  heavy. And my strength isn't up with their yet. But I am getting stronger. Strong enough.

     Pushed over the edge by K punching J and seeing him act the way he did upset me. And I had to pass it on to Pops. So when i heard my baby needed to take a "break" I said let me sit with him, we both need it. We sat there for what seemed like forever. We both got some breathing in. And under his muffled voice "I love you." seemed to come out.

     People ask me what gave me this servants heart. Or how can I keep up with all these kids. I ask myself the same thing every single day. That right there tells me EXACTLY why i do it, and what makes me love it so much. The fact that I can impact them in a good way to where they feel loved, and the ability to love back. It blows my mind. Just how close we have become to where one look and they know what it is I want them to do. Do they always do it? No! But we are getting there. And I love it.

     Maybe someday I will be able to handle the things that still make me a little upset. but for now I am OK with sitting in the hall taking a break and realizing just what it is that keeps me going. No matter how tired, or busy the reason I keep going back, and keep wanting people to see you have to go through some of the rough times to see the amazing. And that's just what I do.