"I've thought long and hard about this. I've even tried not thinking about it. I've cried... a lot and prayed over and over again. Yet the words just don't come out right. They will never express how I want them to. Maybe they're not supposed to."
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Yesterday was my last day. 20 days till I move. 20 days till I leave all this behind. After the most rewarding 10 weeks of my life it has come to an end. I hate the word bittersweet just for the sake of how real it is.
Let's back up a little...
Before I went to Bolivia in May I got a text that said I needed to go to their house for a meeting. I had no idea that this trip to their basement, which is like a second home to me, would be the beginning of my long time dream coming true. I was handed papers to 'look over' and before I could find my seat I started bawling... of course. Long story short, as many of you know, I accepted an internship with The Lexington Leadership Foundation this summer. I would be working with their Youth Ministries: Urban Impact and Amachi... but I also got to take part in events for the Fatherhood Initiative, as well as sitting in on various meetings concerning the city of Lexington.
One of the great things about this internship was that I got to share it with three of the most amazing friends I could have ever asked for. One of those being my sister, Olivia. The other two, Michael and Chewie... (whose full name is that of a beloved Star Wars character!) Chewie, originally from the Congo, was shocked to find out that I had already been with Urban Impact for the number of years I had. I told him not to be so surprised... he would see it's very hard to leave once involved, and being employed was just a bonus compared to the lives you get to minister to.
Olivia. The baby. The one who stays silent long enough for you to wonder what she's thinking, who speaks with grace and clarity. Stunning those listening she knows what's up. She is the writer, the thinker, the one who likes to talk one on one but deserves a stage. The visionary. I am glad to have had her intern with me. Looking forward to her growing in her faith and learning about herself as a daughter of Christ.
Michael. Took on the title of best friend this summer. And thank God he did. The oldest and loudest of us. He was asked to make a choice at the beginning of the summer, and I think we are all happy with the one he made. Always challenging me... whether I wanted it or not. We pushed each other a lot and gained trust... say what?! My copilot, always getting on my nerves... not sure I could have survived without this one. Really proud of the man he is becoming.
Chewie. Newest member to the crew, I always found myself saying "dang" under my breath around him. Just because you can ask him to do something, anything, and it will be done... and done well. Crafts. Heavy lifting. Prayer. Sports (Don't mess with him on the soccer field!) Canoeing. The kids love him. The list goes on and on people. For only being 15 this kid already has a heart to serve and I learned a lot from the past few weeks with him.
Being in the office, sitting in on meetings, Thursday morning prayers, planning and going to camps upon camps, and watching the boys play basketball in the street during cookouts were great distractions to the biggest event that would come this summer. College. Moving to Knoxville, TN. And leaving behind everything I love.
It would be selfish for me to stay...I have been selfish for not wanting to listen to Him. But I thank God daily for people that have poured into me this far, for having a reason to go and learn and gain the tools needed to come back and be more equipped for the job waiting on me. Jesus told his disciples to drop what they were doing... (what they were good at and comfortable with) to leave their families and friends behind, to follow Him. I have to remind myself of this often. I am doing what I have been called to do. No matter how hard it is. I will do it. I will live for Him and Him only.
I won't go into detail of all the happenings this summer, but what I will mention is the late night conversations with my sweet baby girl on life or how this woman came into my life wanting me to call her 'Nana' and forever changing my heart. Not being able to accept J's friend request and the tan line from AMs bracelet. Failure after failure, disappointing those I love, but thanking God for forgiveness and lessons learned. Overcoming insecurities and proving myself wrong. Seeing my kids find Christ and saying goodbye to three boys we won't ever forget. Traveling out of the country and driving around East End. Being pushed out of the nest... literally. Solving middle school dramas and causing my own post high school. Running in the rain. Sitting at a conference desk in the Joe Craft Center, hearing the story of an immigrants daughter. Making friends in the park. Anointing the church because of a vision, praying... yes that says PRAYING praise God. SO MANY van rides that led to laughing so hard tears came down their faces. Letting my feet get dirty... because at the end of the day you can see how hard you played and worked. Using my big girl voice... some would say not enough, others would say too much (depends who was getting talked to!)
Just a few pics from the most amazing summer ever.
So here I am. 19 days left of this adventure called summer. Broken hearted that I won't have my kids running up to give me hugs after school. That my Tuesday nights won't be spent in their basement. I won't wake up to my mom yelling upstairs that breakfast is ready. And I have to face the reality this 'new' will be my 'normal' at some point. Yet I am so full of the Spirit. He takes the worry away, heals the thought of being lonely, and shows me His plan is so, so much better than mine.
They tell me I'm ready... and as hard as it is for me to believe them... I know I have to be.
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