answers in the sidewalk

Today I walked around my city.

I walked out of a meeting I got told to stop running from my calling.

And I just started walking.

I walked till I got a blister from my flats.

This is why I don't wear flats.

I made the phone call I always make in these situations, 

only to be told the thing I always get told in these situations.

Deep breath.

I hate accountability when it's someone keeping me accountable.

Sure, I keep my kids accountable, my roommate, sister, and some friends when they ask me to.

When it's me?

I'd rather just be forgotten.

I wish someone else would step up or feel the same calling within their spirit and that way I wouldn't have to play this out myself.

I walked over the cracked sidewalk.

I squinted my eyes when the sun started to peak through the tall buildings filled with important business people. 

I smiled to the man asking for money against the wall and told him he reminded me of an angel I met in San Diego.

My mind was both racing and at peace all at the same time.

The "to-do" list is way too long, but for some reason, it's okay.

The "to-do" list doesn't go away... not for me. 

The contents will not stay the same, but there will always be work to do. 

There will always be someone holding me accountable.

Thank God.

I will always find my answers in the sidewalks.

Whether I want it or not.

And now it is time to look at that "to-do" list and call out what makes priority.

What lasts.

What holds power and importance.

What things are simply out of my control.

This won't be the last time I consult the cities sidewalk to work things out in my mind and heart.

But now to hold myself accountable.

And put the running shoes up.