These Boarded Up Walls

I want so badly to make sense of this hurricane within me.

To keep up with the wind, or feel as deeply as the rain does falling toward the pavement.

I have boarded up my windows in preparation for something powerful to consume me, unsuccessfully, of course.

But in this process, all else within, cannot escape properly, or enter back in.

I see through the cracks, golden skies, green grass.

Safety, love.

And here I stay.

Locked behind the only thing I have control over.

These boarded up walls.

This way no one will ever have to experience these crashing waves,

dangerous, risky, wild.

I protect myself and them... whoever they are.

But every so often, I catch a ray of that golden light through the crack in my boarded up windows and I can't help but wonder

what it would feel like to be held by your sun.