Belonging

There will always be a sense of belonging there. A feeling that takes over my insides and explodes into a bright smile and warm heart. It wouldn't matter if I had a home with parents, their spare key, or her little town house couch, to journey back to. There will always be that call to go back. For how long? I'm not sure. But for right now I am thankful that the feeling of belonging is still there. Despite how hard that makes it  to leave. 

He just said "2 more minutes" and I gave him hours. We don't get to do that often. So why take it away when you can just breathe? Only about 3 people on this earth currently bring me the same amount of frustrations as peace. You only have one best. And talking about life till you fall asleep is probably one of my favorite things. You should do it more if you don't already. It's foundational I believe. Able to be as serious and as silly as needed. Im proud of the hard things he's has to do in the last week. I'm excited for his summer plans but I'm really empty at the thought of not being a copilot this summer. 

He has a big day in court tomorrow. So of course we turned it up the day before. Matching colors, until mom made me change out of my dress cause "I know how you are" she's right. I always come home with a bloody limb or ripped white jeans. Never fails. So she was prepared to say it yesterday. His choice of music always leads to Wayne and Chief Keef. I don't mind it, especially when we all know the words and he acts surprised I can still bang after going to "Johnson" his voice always a little sassy when he says it. With that hair he is for sure taller than me now, and wants to be treated like he's grown. But then moments when he can't get his shirt buttons around his wrists to fasten he just hands them to me. I'll never be his mom. I'll never be his aunt. And the world wants to remind me I'm not his sister either. But they don't know what belonging like this feels like. 

She has grown up into one of the most gorgeous young women I have ever known. Still full of fire and smooth as a stone by the river. She carries herself differently - and I think it's cause she knows what it feels like to belong like I do - so we fight for that. I'm thankful that her house is somehow a change of pace in a neighborhood that doesn't know quiet. Her stories. Her love. And her ability to teach. She's been sis for years now. 

Brothers legs are practically longer than mine and being 2 is so hard. I love him. And one day he will know me like he does the other self declared "aunts" only tho I claim him as brother. 

My parents house is too big now. Part of me wants them to just move out of the house we built - but more of me just wants them to fill it with people who need to belong too. Watching basketball games in this house will always be special though. We bleed blue and I'm aloud to scream real loud. 

This may sound crazy but I think the sun shines differently on Lexington - and that makes it really hard to leave. My heart honestly broke a little yesterday when it set in that Knoxville will be the new place of belonging this summer. I'm so excited about it - but knowing that screaming the Bobo or running lay up drills in the summer heat with my favorite boys, or laughing about how I'm truly terrible at Spanish in Bolivia just won't be happening anytime soon. 

Closing a chapter. Moving into an apartment with three other girls on the hill. And accepting a job that will be grueling and beautiful. Don't worry Lexington - I still belong to you.