White Flags on a Wednesday

Just realized when I went to reach for my white flag, I had already used it to dress wounds from earlier today. 

Of course.

Of course the first day of November, fresh out of the October season, had to show out. 

With its post Halloween candy comas, full moon vibes, and rain that never let up.

On a Wednesday, of all the days!

Wednesday tried to break us.

Tried to.

On days like today, 

where kids bring guns to school

the fights never seem to end

and you have to ask too many people where kids have been 

because they keep moving or lying about it

when the world is suffering 

loudly

constantly 

and you have a sore throat.

On days like today,

when the visits to safe seem too normal

when the office doors stay shut

when the parents don't know how to set an example

when self doubt and exhaustion come without warning or welcome.

On days like today, 

we take the small victories.

And we cry.

Small victories feel so big in a world of heartache.

And we need them.

Like new faces becoming familiar faces.

Brothers who apologize.

And choose love.

Men in the gym encouraging your boys to work hard, take care of themselves, and save money.

Kids who remind you that your windshield wipers needed to be changed a year ago 

and make the cold and rainy trip to the Auto Parts store with you.

When quiet car rides turn in to venting sessions and somehow

I get to be the one on the other end of them.

my heart is hurting from the battle fought today,

my skin is still cold from standing in the rain, talking kids down from a rough place.

but I already used the white flag to bandage the wounds,

because I know better than to ever throw in the towel on this life.

especially not going to waste a resource on giving up, 

when it could keep me alive for a much greater battle later on.

Deep breath.

Wednesday tried, but didn't win.