Relate if You can

Relate if you can they say. Of course. This is just the normal for free spirits.
I would know.

So many theological phrases come along with a mind meant for a bed of wild flowers. Such thought. Detail. On the fly all the same. Sentences that a scholar would dream of composing, with breath so small a child newly born could compete. Logical? Relate if you can.

So at peace they seem, those hippies of sorts. But war is the thing they have the hardest time with. A war not of the world, people, or things alone. Themselves. you vs. you. How could such a soft spoken, chill person deal with issues bigger than they know... relate if you can.

Take a stroll down a lane of deep breaths, lyrics written on your wrist, dirty feet describing the journeys taken, and a heart inscribed with tales  beyond all imaginations. Life.... the reality we have been missing all along.

Free spirits know it.  Feeling within the bones given to hide the true reason their presence is here. They see your struggles with 'things.' And they rest knowing you will fix it. Somehow. Wars within souls is only savable by Him. Let it go.

Quick I write. Sense? Why make any when these are just words? From my own mind I speak. Powerful to whom need it to be. Silly to those who care for anything but the relaxed form of expression. Open your soul to the fact that hearing comes after listening. You must be taught these things. A free soul knows being exposed to the lessons is the greatest. Beat beat. There it is. That drum once again it calls me. Relate if you can. If not, who knows... maybe your sain. And I am the one in need of some rules. Nahh.

Trial and Error

Such a student as you
careful in what you know.
Learning like the baby sparrow,
trial and error.

Such a child as you
always ready to grow.
Reach above your head to see,
how much more today.

Such a girl as you
shy to approach egar to be noticed.
Behave as others with no luck,
wondering why.

Such a teacher as you
loves to love. Hand ready
to calm. Instruct. And to discipline.
Just as you were once.

Such a human as you
always mistakes. Always good jobs.
perhaps tomorrow there will another chance.
Laugh, hours left you know.

Eating the information up like your first thanksgiving.  Crying tears for those who forgot how to.  Loving the thought of adults listening to what you have to say, silly or not.   Know, always what you can.  Sometimes it comes back in strange forms.  Listen, see, be ready.  Such a you is me.

Wind Is Sweeping Around

                                                        Wind Is Sweeping Around

As I accept a piece of me, small but

Given anyway, you go a bring me chills

Quick, you came and went on purpose?

For I wish you could have stayed, invisible

To the naked eye. Surrounding me like a

Revived spirit, I am consumed by your presence.

A tendency to brush against my skin like needles with strength
Like a hurricane? Or maybe you have tender wisps,
Sweeping around my soul. Clear and comforted your intentions are heard.

And being the small piece against your power I know how to stand;
Protecting myself like a priceless treasure. Many more times your
Appearance is made and my treasure is at risk, touched, felt.

Holding a hand prevents from facing the chill.
Worried you calm like the oceans breeze; you and I
A pair separation will not know, strength and growth

But broken still. Heart opened to let you in; wisps back,
Power is filled in these lungs of time.
Seeing at last purpose in these meetings.

Perhaps time will have it, wind will be a mirror of me.
Sweeping, touching, a treasure of play
Only to be given away again.

Clarity and Needles

Sometimes all you need is one moment alone with Him, in an element you are unfamiliar with, that you think you have no purpose doing, and it hits. Like your feet on Christmas morning when you were little; hard, running so fast the direction didn't matter, just as long as you got there.

There is the moment of release, letting go, moving on. Or on special meetings learning something new. I love that part, but sometimes you wonder why it could not have been sooner. If it would have been any sooner what would have gone through to learn anything? Moments of peace knowing He is right behind you smiling, sitting on the edge of His seat in approval.

Sometimes those moments happen and you share them. I did. And the passing of a happy thought, a happy time when only breathing coming from yourself is what you hear. He came to me through clarity and needles tonight. With a bath/shower that should have been 'too long.' With a conversation made for me to realize, it's not me whose driving the boat and asking for direction. Or maybe I was, and that was my problem...

I nod my head. This is where I'm supposed to be, panic attack number 5 of the day has come and gone, and the voice of a wiser than I says, "It may suck, and it may feel like it is to hard and you can't do it. But there are always, always reasons.... and your reason.. is them."

I am not the driver of this boat, He is.

These moments are never called for, but always on call.
When they seem a little late, they come right on time.
Just like the wind brushing against me like needles, and clarity in frosted wings, they are art ready to make the debut gala called, life.

comfortable rock

  

Shutting down. Shutting down.

   Closing in on the end,

   of something which was once unfamiliar.

   A new love. A never ending love I say.

   Tired. Beaten by the reality of these days.

   Building. Building.

   These senses will show me the way around the dark path.

   My heart will tell me pause and listen.

   What if I keep going? What if I say no?

   Breathing in deep. Holding the tears in my own hands.

   Open up.

   Locked away but still so transparent for all to see.

   Why must I be so unsure of this gift? Is it really me?

   Mouth closed tight, when really all it seems is open.

   Looking. Waiting. Hoping. Dreaming.

   Open up.

   Happy, oh so happy.

   Making sure happiness is plentiful around me.

   Me? Or that soul? I thought that's what I was doing.

   Seeing this I want to close my eyes tight.

   Get away. Run. Be free. Be happy.

   I know what it feels like to be alone in a room full of people.

   You made sure to put a smile on each face,

   and now its my turn to get a smile.

   Without a hand. Without a hug.

   Days like that are hard. Alone?

   Never. He is there, always. I talk to him, always.

   Human presence though, without a face it's a cold world.

   That path is still dark. The lamps on the side?

   Brighter than the sun.

The reason I get up in the morning.

The reason I try my hardest.

The reason I cry. Happy or sad. Alone or not.

Shutting down. Still Pushing. Building up.

 Feeling Happy. Alone in a cold place. Warmed by a thought.

The reason I get up in the morning.

  
   
It is no longer unfamiliar. No longer something to question. No reason to feel alone. All the reason to keep pushing, building, being happy, and to understand. Time to be the rock that is comfortable to lean against. Strong. Able to help the most tender hearts. Like my own.



                                                            



  

Goals

     Have you ever wondered when was the last time you did something different, out of the box, or new? Honestly, ask your self, "When was the last time I actually tried to do something new for once?" Most of the time, at least for me it isn't all to often.

     That's about to change.

     And no I don't mean I'm chopping my hair off, buying a motorcycle , or moving to Australia. Although I plan to do this at some point:) I am just saying that as I get older I tend to get into habits, and my explorer self seems to hide away sometimes. I see what needs to get done and do it. Point to point.  And since New Years resolutions bug the heck out of me... I decided to kick these lists of 'goals' or 'new things' on m 17th birthday. Which is just a day away.

     Maybe you will do the same? Join me in the unexpected, the silly, the planned and unplanned events to help you experience the world and find things out about yourself you would have never known one step at a time.

     To make you stronger. To make me stronger

     I am done waiting until I get 'Older' to do things that bring happiness to myself, and to others. So today I have decided that God gives opportunities to us for a reason, we just have to be there when He is ready to give them to us, and we need to be ready when He does. So whether you just really need to pick up and go hike a mountain, or just hug someone who really needs it, but least expects it. No excuses allowed it's time. Time that bucket list got made, and crossed out!

.

Free

Free.

Not controlled by obligation, or the will of another. Not imprisoned or enslaved. Like a plastic bag stuck in a tree. I am here in a place I shouldn’t.

Or so you think.

Like a bird in a cage. Looking out into the world it should be flying in. But I am 'safe'?

Holding me back would be the biggest mistake. Letting me be free in the world I may not 'belong' in is what I want. What I need. I can see how much people are upset by my leash going a little farther. Well I am here to tell those people it is not their life. It’s mine.

Free.

It is what I am about to do. Free myself from this cage of lies, the collar is off, the door is open. And I am running, running away only to go home. Home? The kind of place that more than half the world calls 'the bad part of town' it may seem too hard, or rough for this little girl that is just learning things for the first time. But this little girl is more than ready for that side of 'town' to be home. To be free. Why else would the feeling of happiness come from the thoughts of it?

Leaves are off the trees. Even the leaves have some freedom to expresses themselves in color, movement. And the birds are leaving me. Staying in one spot isn't an option for them, so why me?

The door is opened and I am taking a deep breath in and one foot is stepping into the raw lifestyle of the world. Colored by spray paint, tainted by the lost, and pieces of hope in every corner. So what if this place is 'unforgiving' and I am not 'strong enough' to hold my own.

For being young I do know this, I will NEVER have to 'hold my own' there is a man, bigger than any of those doubters, any of the towns that are 'bad' and all the locked cages. He is holding my hand, He is the one who gave me this drive to be free. He would never let me sit in a cage and watch all the hurting people go bye untouched by a smile.

Free. It is all I will ever ask.

And it is what I expect.