Everyone Keeps Asking Me How I Feel...

Everyone keeps asking me how I feel...

The words haven't had enough time to process.
The dust has hardly settled.
I am still trying to make it through the last week of Emerald, while also packing for my trip to San Diego & to move back to Lexington.
There isn't a whole lot of room to think about how I feel... and honestly I don't want to.

If you don't know this about me already, I am actually the most emotional human to walk the earth.
Crying at the drop of a hat isn't out of the ordinary for me,
but when change, transition, goodbyes, moving, growing up, new seasons begin, old seasons end, start to add up, I will quickly tap into my overflowing amount of emotions and silence them for another day.
Pushing through everyday on the calendar in order to reach a point I can turn them back on, let it flow, and then allow myself to function like a normal human again.
Cause when I tell you I would not be able to do anything else if I actually acknowledged everything happening around me... believe me.

I've been blessed with family all over the place. I could hop on a plane going in any direction, and more than likely land somewhere, a least close, to where I have "family." I spent all weekend with family from California, Florida, Tennessee, Ohio, Kentucky, etc. My heart was exploding watching all the siblings interact, the mentors, the friends. I didn't deserve all of them showing up and cheering me on all these years, but they do, and I am so grateful.

The next few days are my last at Emerald Youth Foundation.
My exit interview is happening today.
I won't be holding back tears then.

We had our end of the year party with the high schoolers last night and there wasn't a dull moment... until the building got really quiet and I had no idea where the kids went (I'm a great AC y'all) I looked all over and didn't see them in the yard, then I realized they had gotten on the van. A side note about the EA fam is that we love van rides together. Doesn't matter where we are going, those are some of our favorite times together. Without me telling them we were leaving, they just all decided to be on the van. Laughing, roasting, just being together. It was honestly one of the most simple, but touching things to me because it just shows how much they love being around each other. It took me almost 2 hours to take 12 kids home because I had to give hugs to everyone. Momma's, brothers, sisters, goddaughters, cousins, my kids... this was one of the times I was thankful for keeping the emotions at bay... or I would have never gotten them all home.

Do good things...
See you later's...
I'm real proud of you...

Nothing I could have said seemed good enough at a time like this.

But the "I love you's" coming from each of them, had all the power in the world.

Everyone keeps asking me how I feel...

When the squad shows up to your grad party

College Street family photo

I feel like I'm losing part of my heart, and gaining a part I lost a long time ago.

I feel like I just learned my spot in Neverland was given to someone else.

I feel like I finally reached the top of the mountain I've been climbing for over half my life and the view is everything I could have dreamed of and more... 

but now I have to find the next mountain.

I feel excited and terrified all at the same time.

I feel like Gods favorite.